Before welcoming my first child, I stumbled upon Pamela Druckerman’s “Bringing Up Bébé” in my algorithm’s churn of the never-ending quest for the “best” baby and child-rearing advice. What drew me to the book was its tagline: “One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting.” Having spent a semester in Normandy in college, I was very curious what wisdom was to be offered…
…The book itself is hilarious, but moreover, what I liked was Druckerman’s nuanced comparisons to her experiences and interactions with French, expat and American friends, fellow parents and other major players (personal family, pediatricians, teachers, neighbors, etc.). In the intercultural communication space, we’re striving to understand and engage with others, given the contexts we’re in. In the book, Druckerman reconciles maternal instinct, conversations with others and online advice forums in order to best navigate raising a child abroad. She notices a pattern: set cultural standards frame the mindsets and actions of others; in other words, the basis of many cultural theories! Whether it’s building a “cadre” or framework for your child as the French do or starting your children off with “kid-friendly foods” as the Americans, it reveals that all childhood development is through series of acquisition. Her child, while being raised by American and British parents, is still heavily influenced by her French daycare, schooling and locals. The child code-switches depending on setting which makes the book even more of an interesting case study on TCK’s or third culture kids.
One particular piece of “French wisdom” that stuck with me was the concept of recognition and acknowledgement- specifically with the greeting “Bonjour.” Bonjour, according to the book, is more than just saying “Hello.” When a child meets or sees another child or adult, they’re instructed to utter “Bonjour” (and could be followed by the person’s name or an honorific). This works in two ways: setting a tone of politeness and putting the child at an equal level with the other person. Instead of “children being seen but not heard” which Druckerman suggests leads to disengaged adolescents and adults; rather, it puts forth a sense of confidence and maturity.
While I am currently living in a very familiar place, surrounded by family and friends, the challenges of raising of child are just beginning. I, too, am navigating unfamiliar territory while constantly facing new and changing information everyday on safety regulations, medical guidelines and various techniques on how to “deal” with the new addition. From remarks on my birth plan, nursery setup (which, according to my mother, is wrong), whether I should vaccinate my baby (yes, this has come up WAY too often), how much or how little involved my husband should be, sleep schedules, feeding (another hot topic), to daycare or not to daycare, the list goes on. Therefore, how I effectively communicate my plans and requests will be key to my sanity. I found the “wisdom” in “Bringing in Bébé” helpful, but understandably, once the baby is here, I’ll need to cater it to my situation. The biggest takeaway is that, no matter what our physical settings are or changes that life brings us, is that we stay authentic to ourselves and our values.
Druckerman ultimately ends by saying, “Obviously, French parents don’t do everything right. And they don’t all do the same things…Please take this book as inspiration, not doctrine. And be flexible.”
Have you read “Bringing Up Bébé”? Can you think of any other cultural differences in baby and child rearing?
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